THOUGHTS TO COUNT
.............hopefully counted since april 25, 05 ...........
wildly contentious (aka. not really)
Sorry about that last post....the deal was fresh in my mind and I had to just vent it out to something or someone...if you're interested, call me....otherwise, lets let it rest...
Everything is a decision, and my indecisiveness spoons everything up into one big mangely clump...thoughts are running through my head in every possible causal direction, though the one that usually plays out is the one that has never occurred...I try moving myself past the conceptualization based on current emotions and apparent trends (emotional forcasting or lifestyle suggesting you could call it) and bring my mind into the knowledge that I am what I it and there are no mistakes....to paraphrase a genius.
What then is the importance, friends willing of existential debate? To enjoy and live and evolve without a care for the outcome...passing by humanized suggestions that control is within your grasp, that you can forcast your destiny?...that leaves.... blank. EXACTLY. Nothing...knowingness without knowing, knowledge without understanding, lethargically and apathetically transcendant. It is strange that words can have such demeaning connotations, and it tickles me to arrange them in a way that is contrary to their learned implications...to linguistically contextualize converse inferences...that last phrase was also just for fun, but for another reason altogether.... and if I could get back on track of a philisophical pandering, at this point, I would...but alas, where has it gone. Infact, I think we have surrepititiously arrived.
As my mind wanders in and out of its stunning polarities, my humanity feels lost like a child who walks halfway into a movie...(a quasi-cameo, or a misrepresented lebowskism??)...where have you gone it says to me??...where are you going???...virtues? yes or no?...temperment and patience, humility, understanding....learned or inherited..??...have you practiced YOUR finer human qualities lately?...i'm looking at the floor for my contact lenses. Though I can see fine without them I still cannot seem to find the suckers...Methinks at this point a target needs to be constructed...from the materials of faith, and the soul should become so attuned to that target, night and day, that it may be located during all times, in all weather, at all distances, in the black of night....that when times come, as they certainly do for us humans (on trafalgar, time would do nothing of the sort) when it is necessary to fire a shot on the behalf of our humanity, each one of us will fire without flinching, without contmeplation or wonder and most of all without fear, at that which we understand so vividly to exist in that moment of our lives...at the unchanging charecter of human existance...
General Romeo Dallaire gives a talk at Concordia on Tuesday....
I'm awake, and the jury is still out...
Did you ever have one of those nights.??...of course you have...we have all had 'one of those nights' at some point in our wandering existances....so, for me last night was of particular interst...I guess it may be telling, yknow, that like I could derive some character traits from a night like last, or at least identify something of my current state of existence....it is kind of strange the things that seem like normal feel good fun but in retrospect can be pretty out of the ordinary, can be pretty far out of the fucking ordinary....
and if you're wondering the finer details, well, I'm sorry but this post will be written in generalities and you'll have to infer from the little detail I am willing to give...not that I don't like sharing my life with you...people of the internet...digital voyeurs that you are...just that I don't think you're ready for this one...
no animals were hurt in the making of this post. can we just leave it at that??
i'm not being fair. there could have been 8hours of drinking, smoked meat, and some friends involved...maybe not in that order...
boy, this may be a tough day. I think i'll rest.
If there is a theme to this post, you can read it in the title. If you want to read into it further, check out http://dangeroushours.blogspot.com/, which is a temporal anomaly in the blogger world, an assessment of the infinite and of human perception...and in the last few days, I have to wonder where time does go? Left alone all day to my studies of wind turbines and mechanical vibrations, and at night, free to roam creative pastures with ideas and realizations popping in and out of my mind...and after all this it leaves me to wonder if this is concentrated creativity I am smoking and why I haven't been able to wield it in such a way before.
Time is funny. Lunchtime it is now. I just woke up two hours ago, so maybe breakfast is in order. No, can't do breakfast, because there isn't any on the menu. A friend wakes an hour later than I, contemplating the redundancies of life through the window of clairvoyant perception. A sister takes her coffee break from a job that hasn't warrented the grueling anticipation of a coffee break yet...the office still has that new smell, the furniture just assembled to the best of your knowledge of the swedish language...6 hours in the future, old friends are sitting down to their nightly supper, after a full day of work no doubt, and maybe with not much on the horizon other than another workday tomorrow, and perhaps a re-visiting of old places...
above in the relatively infinite, all these discrepancies are indiscernable..the slow revolution of venus brings the low horizion wanderer closest to the northwest corner of a brand new cresent moon (paraphrased, thank jerry garcia),...each one of us separated into space and time see this, all in due course (all at the same latitude). United under the static sky, reflected in it's patience we are, for the reverse is true of our existance from the luminiferous aether's perception....unchanging, but for the rotation and burgeoning of a new day...
scattered though, here, I sit...with static perception and infinite wonder at the timing of it all...my life is a conclusion to my own ancestory, it is a conclusion to this world..my universe is humbly but understandably philcentric...it has begun and it will end with I....the time in between is stationary, and it is shared. It mingles with neighbors, holds hands with lovers and shares with family...it stumbles over strangers and gets run down by the appointed leaders...but in all this while and it all of its journeys, it is right here at the center of the universe, in the hands of the creator and its will is bent to all that desire may dream about....For what you dream of....
Poetry is patient
Like these letters, the words wait form
There is a beauty in the sky
The air, the aether
Colors full and reflective
Blue is a deep changing hue
Wisps of white cloud the depths
A march of the picturesque
Green in variance
With brown, azure and gold
Hints of drooping time and longing
Roll from the inside outward
To falling water
Soaking rose reflections from above
Itself tumbling below
Quenched in time
With the weeping green
And the azure sky